Dear Steve
by Two Things On My Mind
Summary: I don't really...know, how to say it. 'I love you' I mean, there are so many words that should say that, ones that I should be able to put together. I can't find them, maybe thats saying something for the way that I feel, I don't really know what I'm supposed to do, Steve.


Here goes.

I don't really...know, how to say it. 'I love you' I mean, there are so many words that should say that, ones that I should be able to put together. I can't find them, maybe thats saying something for the way that I feel, I don't really know what I'm supposed to do, Steve.

But I thought I should try, because for some crazy reason you chose me.

For some stupid reason, you saw something in me, other then my last name.

I can't say I saw it in you right away, lets be honest here, but when I did. It hit me harder then a freight train, and it was like my entire universe crashed down around me, and everything I knew was wrong. How can it be wrong? And then there you stood, it was like you were the only thing in my world that was untouched, I didn't want to touch you, see everything I come into contact with, seems to...fall apart. I couldn't be the one that broke you, everything you are, is beautiful, and how would I live with myself?

How would I?

Not that it stopped me, I said things I regret, so many things I wish I could take back, because thats the part I play. I'm good at it, and I have no problem admitting it. Like so much else. But you know what, past all that, forgetting my part, forgetting my script. You managed to find your way to me.

I still can't tell if you meant to or not, you just started to show up, and every single time you did, part of me shriveled. I'd never really been afraid of anything, and all of a sudden I was scared all the time, because you were to close. And all that I could think, was that I was going to tare you apart. Like I do everyone who's around me for too long.

I don't think I really understood how strong you are, weak people tend to submit to easily. All those times you sat with me in the lab, and I got you your own stool. Why did I do that? I don't even know, I just...I...still can't explain that. I just remember thinking that was the begging of the end. Because hey, I was going to rip you apart, tare you at the seems one way or another. I break people, a lot.

And then there was that once instance, well, I say one, but its happened before. It was really just the first time someone had been there. I nearly killed myself, for the sake of dramatic display, I'd love to say I'd done that on purpose. But really I'm too selfish to kill myself, well at that point I was. You saved me, do you remember that? You physically picked me up from the wreckage and carried me out. That was really it for me, I didn't think I'd be able to stay quiet after that, I tried to tell you, too. You didn't understand, and I just remember being relieved. Whatever had possessed me to make a mistake like that, I wouldn't make it again.

But I did, didn't I? You came to me for advice, friendly advice, I think-correct me if I'm wrong- I yelled in your face, a lot. You looked so confused, so beautifully confused that day that I thought maybe I'd succeeded. You have no idea how much I just wanted your arms around me, you have no idea. It sounds so ridiculously gay, something I'd never thought about being. I loved women, don't get me wrong. I just loved you more.

I lost sleep over you, and I don't regret a single minute of it. I don't' know why I had such a huge bed, all to myself. All I wanted to to drown in you, aren't I disgusting? But all of a sudden though, I wasn't sleeping alone. I remember making a passing joke, and you blushed and demanded your own room. Despite the...selfish inner scream of protest, I gave it to you of course. How long did that last? All I know is, 95 % of the time, you're with me, and I'm in your arms.

I don't know where I'd be without you. Hell I barely know what I'm saying. I know that I've probably had too much to drink as here I sit, and I know that really I have, but that doesn't stop me writing. Its like drunk texting, but I'm half drunk, on you.

I love you. There you go, don't say I never did anything for you.


End file.
